Something I struggle with is my approach to this blog these days. I think about it every day but never quite in the right context for another article. (Don’t get me wrong, I have countless article ideas I’ve been saving to eventually work with.) I’ve been trying to reconcile the desire to write more here but also not return to the same pain that a Narcissistic Mother (NM) inflicted. Keeping them separate is something I can do in my day-to-day, but here, writing, unlocking another voice, that’s hard. Julia Cameron, author of The Artists Way, says that the creative spirit, the artist within- is a child. Child me loved art and colorful messes, she loved creating things and seeing beautiful sites. That inner artist was pushed into a metaphorical gray closet and silenced since that wasn’t something mom liked. Overstimulating and inconvenient, artists were in the way and too uncontrollable, too authentic, too free. That child had to learn self-preservation.
Don’t worry, I’m working on getting that inner artist back too.
I’ve been finding book after book over the years (since starting this blog even) about healing from narcissistic abuse. I’ve wanted to read each one but each time I’ve had the opportunity I’d choose something else. Another book, less heavy, more haven less healing. After 11 years of No Contact (NC) – I just really want to keep distance between me and that life. (It helps a lot more than I thought to be an entire state away too.)
But, healing is twofold, isn’t it…
Away isn’t the same as doing better. It’s just further away from the chaos.
I can happily say distance has made things much better on many many levels for me. I’m happy where I am and the peaceful life I’ve built. But I do still have to actively choose healing each day. Perhaps much less than Day 1 of being NC where baby steps of freedom and peace felt like trying to rewrite my own DNA. It’s still a choice at Day 3,906 but it’s more like a walk in the woods by a lake now. I can choose this and I am thankful each day.
I think my heart is ready, on day 3906, to take another step…
…with you of course.
and with my iconic gifs too– of course!
So I’m starting a series where I dive into a book on Narcissism and write my thoughts down for you. It won’t be a book report, but it’ll be chronicling my journey.
The first I’ve started is “Mothers Who Can’t Love” by Susan Forward, PhD
I’m only about 50 pages in so far but I will have my reaction on it soon!
Stay tuned!
Love & Hugs,
The Mild Millennial
The Mild Millennial 