Third-wheeling with the best of them. Making it work, but all the while being subjected to watching love unfold before you. You watch your friends and even your best friends slow descent into euphoria and you’re still holding the elevator on the 149th floor. Still on the outside of the circus tent, hearing about its grandeur and beauty and wondrous sites and still waiting to be invited in. Wondering if you ever will be.
In the Movie “What If” Daniel is me….
I’m here to tell you it happens to the best of us. People used to tell me “God saves the best for last.” I used to think Yeah, well, apparently I haven’t had enough time to marinate in my singleness. (I’m not bitter, I just have a really quick, dark sense of humor) it’ll come along when it’s supposed to. (But babes, BE proactive! More on that later too)
I have a very wide array of friends. Some are still in high school and some are close to 40. Being the odd one out at an event can be so irritating. I have several circles of friends and all of those friends have their own unique relationship status. It’s not always easy to keep up either. The drama is always fun to watch (Just be sure to stay out of it).
Sometimes I have to really convince myself to go to one more friends monthly game night and be the ONLY single person there. They pair off in couples and I have to ask myself if its worth settling for the one 40 year old again. While everyone giggles and works together as a team he and I awkwardly move our chairs together once more and play a round or 10 of team player games.
Don’t get me wrong, it can be fun. It can also can be really depressing. I know I’m not the only one who’s stolen away from the lovebirds for a few moments of alone time just to clear my head. I can specifically recall excusing myself between board games and locking myself in the bathroom to decompress. I unscrewed the smile that felt stuck on my face and I just let my face express the emotion I could feel wanted to take over in stead. It looked a little like this:
I wish I was kidding. I -might- have done that more than once. I’m here to tell you it’s ok. Let it out where you won’t hurt your friends.
I’m here for you. It’s so easy to get caught up in being envious but still happy for them. I know it can be a real struggle sometimes. But remember it’s still all in God’s timing.
And then they have kids. And more kids… and a few more kids… and then more kids, and just when you think you’re used to all the kids, a whole new group of friends has kids. Ah. Children everywhere and suddenly they don’t have time for you if you aren’t part of a Moms group. Man… Do you know how many kids think I’m their aunt? Or how many mommy groups I’ve just been included in so my friends can spend time with me?
And I don’t think I’m even that great with kids. My sister was the one who did the babysitting and entertaining and could talk to little ones effortlessly. Me? I’m faced with a 4 year old and suddenly feel like I should talk to them about molecular biology and begin to compare and contrast Postmodernism against the effects of Communism in 1980s Russia…and I just…. I think of all the things I can’t talk to them about and I end up just staring, waiting for them to start the conversation with an ice breaker. I didn’t have baby dolls when I was young! I had books, and coloring books, and costumes, and a rubber band gun and stuffed animals who were all equally loved and perfect. Dolls? Nah. Not me. I took adventure and dreamed and created. I wasn’t motherly.
Now, in my 20s, I’m very motherly. But with babies and 8 and up who are a bit more independent! Ages 2-6? Nope, get me out of there.
Your friends are happy. You’re going to applaud them and be there for them always. You’ll be there on the wedding day and you’ll be there when mom gets sick, you’ll be there when she needs a night out, you’ll be there when they need you. They’ll be there for you when they can. But don’t think for a second that something is wrong with you when everyone else has what you’re looking for.
Like it or not, some of them found it before they were supposed to anyway. You’ll be there to dust them off when things get tough. I promise.
That being said, have a lot of fun being single. I’m telling you. It can be a real blast. I’ll be writing a TON on that here soon.
So hold your head up high, babe. And buckle up. I’m about to show you what it’s like to be single and HAPPY ABOUT IT.
The Mild Millennial
(Any and all pictures in this post are from the internet and are not original to The Mild Millennial Blog)