Have you ever noticed that Christianity seems to take two sides of one issue, both are extremes I dislike.
It’s time we broke the rules a little, and think for ourselves. (that’s going to be a common theme here, sorry babes)
A friend took me to lunch a while ago. During our discussion over the best Mexican food the Midwest has to offer, she said to me something that has always stuck with me. “You know, it’s so much easier when you realize there is no “one” out there for you. You just find who’s compatible.”
I can still feel the lump I had in my throat- and this wasn’t the heavenly queso and house made chips! This was despair and hopelessness. No one for me. By my friends thought process we’re just out in the world bumping into people to see who likes us too.
I started to pay attention to teachers and preachers around me. Surely that wasn’t a popular enough notion to endorse… was it? The more I listened the more I found that there were two extremes.
- God has a soulmate and a plan picked out for you. That person will be your one and only. Don’t date until you find them.
- There aren’t really soulmates out there. You might as well settle down with somebody who gets you. Date whomever.
I also found that the longer the speaker was single the more likely they were to go with option 2.
Christian leaders tried to explain a middle ground but neither believed truly 1 or 2 in their entirety. But of those, I found that they had all been married long enough for the honeymoon phase to be over. (long enough to still love their spouse, but it was more of a choice now.)
I did my homework and I have a theory I’ve put in motion. I believe in soulmates and more than one, and I believe in God’s plan but there is still free will.
*cue the gasps and mutterings* God never said there was only one soulmate out there for each of us. The longer you’re single the less you’ll believe in them. (TRUST ME) Plus Paul himself said it’s better to be single and carry out God’s work. But every once in a while you’ll come across someone who will blow that theory to smithereens. You’ll be blindsided by how perfect you two are together. You’ll feel like your souls hug each moment your eyes meet. It’ll totally wreck you.
But I can tell you right now, things don’t always work out the way we think they should.
For example, my parents weren’t soulmates. I’d like to think they could have been, but that’s impossible. They got married anyway. Had me. Had a life together. Then the marriage ended. There was a lot of pain and suffering. But we’re all better for it. (Challenge me on this, and I will fight you.) God does hate divorce. But he doesn’t hate divorced people. My Dad has met someone who is a much better fit for him and they might be soulmates. I don’t know. But my point is, is it soulmates or God’s plan? He shouldn’t have married my mom, but he did and they had me. If by those standards, was I a glitch in God’s plan? No. God had me planned before my great-great-great grandparents were born. So why didn’t it work out if it was God’s plan? Or was my mom his soulmate? Does he only get one? No. From what I see now, my dad is so happy with this other woman and they aren’t even dating yet. God’s plan or soulmate?
If God had a plan why did my parent’s marriage end?
My answer is this: free will.
My mom could have turned away from her destructive habits and problems. But she didn’t. It came to the point of my home being abusive. (Perhaps one day I’ll tell you all about that).
God’s plan? I don’t truly know. And that’s OK. I do wonder, why God gave me a mom who was distant. A mom who, given the option, would have aborted me if she could have. (Her words, not mine) Why I couldn’t have a mom who helped and counseled me, who lifted me up when I needed encouragement. I have to assume that it’s not what God wanted either, but He’s going to use that and make me the best mom in my lineage. Free will. I’ve decided to believe that God still turns situations around for his good and his purpose.
All that to say, I don’t agree with my friend. I don’t believe fully that we should just marry the first person that gets us and call it a day. I don’t even become attracted to a guy until I can consider him a best friend. I can’t bring myself to take marriage that lightly. (and BOY do I have an awesome story on this topic. More on that later too)
You don’t want someone who “gets you” here and now. You want them to get you when you’re going through a midlife crisis at 48, and lets you buy a boat for the heck of it at 60. Someone who will help you through chemo at 65 and says “lets travel Italy together my love.” when you make a full recovery. Someone who can roll with the punches life throws at you. Who can grow with you. Someone who wants you there when they come back from a deployment to the Middle East. Someone who can’t wait to hug you the second they get off the plane. Someone who tells you they want their kids to have your eyes and it isn’t weird because you want your kids to have their smile anyways.
Love is always a choice. Nobody’s perfect. One day someone better WILL come along. They just will. Maybe they are your second soulmate. But you have to trust that person you’re with, that you both have put enough time and dedication in to the other person, that the idea of someone else being an option is outrageous. That’s fidelity. That’s commitment.
While a thinker, my friends still know I’m a Hopeless Romantic. A cynical, rational, practical, Hopeless Romantic who has a middle ground on the theory of soulmates. So if you’ve heard that there is no “one” out there for you, fear not. Panic no more. There’s still a point to life.
We can have more than one soulmate, free will can get in the way of God’s plan but it never ruins God’s plan.
The Mild Millennial