*WARNING: I use 1 bad word in this article.*
Looking at when I started this it’s easy to assume this is nothing more than a New Year’s Resolution. Not so, my loves. In the last six months I’ve been surprised about how much this is needed.
I had a discussion about sex with my 18 year old sister and I realized how little she knew about basic things. Granted she has been homeschooled most of her life, she hasn’t been exposed to some realities one would otherwise. But that was only half the problem. She was given sex ed before she was ready, and my mother had told her the bare minimum. Not only was sex introduced to her in complicated medical terms exclusively , but she had been lied to about it since.
Let me break it down for you. She and I were driving home one night. (She lives with my mom) and she mentioned a remark a man had said to her at her workplace. It was something similar to “Does the carpet match the drapes?” and she wanted that explained. I was irritated that she had to deal with those remarks but it’s the world we live in. It’s going to get worse before it gets better.
Now, understand, my sister lives with my mom and cannot bring herself to repeat such things. So I’m the only one she can ask without garnering a ridiculous reaction. (She is much more the good church girl than I am now) I explained the reference and followed it up with how she can handle such inappropriate comments in the future.
We laughed and carried on with conversation. In doing so, I discovered that my mother had led my sister to believe that sex was more of a chore to be performed when the man occasionally wanted it. (She was under the impression it might be once a month and it wasn’t going to be pleasurable for the girl.) *cue the mental meltdown*
I nearly pulled the car over. I probably shouldn’t have been operating heavy equipment under such shock. I wanted to race to my moms house and shake her. Who lies to their child about sex like that? And I know my mother isn’t that innocent. She fully knew better than to make sex out to be some inconvenience rather than the most passionate expression of love two people can experience. Forget protecting my sister, my mother was hindering knowledge and education. I was fit to be tied.
I had to explain EVERYTHING to my sister. Birth control, periods, hormones, sexual drives, general measurements of body members, why it hurts the first couple times, how it will get better, orgasms, how often you’ll do it once you realize how much you like it, what the connection entails, what soul ties are, what does what and how and why. Make no mistake, she got the unedited hoe version I never got. My sister was embarrassed to talk about all these things, but she had to know. She was dating for the first time and one way or another- I don’t know how great the guy is she’s dating!- Sex is going to come up. She needs to have this knowledge single or not!! (I’ll probably expand on this later)
Unfortunately she wasn’t the only one with a limited knowledge on this subject.
Around the time I was a sophomore in high school I was taking co-op classes with a lot of other homeschooled kids. If you were never homeschooled, I can tell you right now, they’re just like you and me. You have the jocks, the brains, the princesses, the basket cases and the bullies, just like any other school. I took classes with this girl who I won’t name. She drove me crazy. She was a brain but an arrogant, pompous, high and mighty little snot. From now on I’m referring to her as “The Brain”. Our Dad’s were friends so we were together more often than either of us wanted to be. We took the SAT exam together that year at the high school building. Afterwards, since one of her 8 family members had the family car, she was stuck waiting at the exam center a while. So I offered to take her home (Like the good person I am) which was 20 minutes in the opposite direction of my home. (ONE WAY!) She got in the car and before we reached the first stoplight she’d asked, condescendingly, “Was that hard for you? You looked like you were struggling.”
First of all, bitch, literally everyone in the room was nervous about that damn test! The TEST was nervous about the damn test. And secondly, I was seated with all the hood kids anyways. The kid next to me was definitely a pothead. Compared to the panic stricken faces of those around me I must have looked like I was having a picnic.
I could hear a pencil snapping somewhere in the back of my mind. By the time we’d reached the second stoplight I was imagining all the fun ways I could eject her from the passenger seat if we were in a cartoon.
SO many options…
There are several other stories I could share that are just as heartwarming as this one but I’ll save those for another time. You needed this one to set the stage. (and I also wanted to tell it)
This chick paraded her smarts around like she was the queen of everything. She had no qualms about rudely correcting you in public, in front absolutely anyone and the worst part, she did it very loudly. She had one volume and it was MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE. She sneered down at anyone who made a seemingly wrong social or religious decision as well. Obviously she didn’t have many friends.
Now, the meat of this tale:
I came to class one Monday morning and a friend pulled me aside with the best gossip I’d heard in my entire life. I remember this like it was yesterday. A large group of girls got together for a sleepover for someone’s birthday. The Brain was invited- probably out of obligation. Yet strangely enough I was not. (I wasn’t a “full” homeschooler yet I suppose, and couldn’t make the cliques, story of my life tbh) At one point in this party they were all gathered around talking about sex. (as one does at a girls night) Most likely someone’s relative was a teen mom or something. In the middle of this conversation, which I assume was nearly harmless considering the crowd, The Brain spoke up asking what they were referring to.
Evidently she didn’t know jack about The Deed. These girls were 15. One would assume they know the basics. However they explained it must have worked and jogged her memory because she said, “Oh yeah, my dad said my husband will explain it to me on my wedding night.” and she insisted they shouldn’t talk about it until then.
My friend and I nearly fell from our desks. We had been leaning from our chairs, whispering across the aisle before class. Our heads knocked together, our chairs creaked and we were sent into peals of laughter. How outrageous it was that The Brain herself had no idea what this sex thing was all about!
Sadly it became sobering very quickly when we wondered how she was going to navigate high school and indeed college with that mentality.
This lack of education isn’t reserved for the homeschooled and sheltered. It’s much more common than you might think. On the opposite end of that spectrum, another girl I knew didn’t know that sex produced a baby until after she’d already had two by the time she was 18. She thought she was just lucky. To her, the act felt good, and she wanted to keep doing it.
I’m not mocking the idea of abstinence here, in fact I endorse it. But the reality is, pretty much everyone else expects sex. We are the minority and parents sending their kids out into the world with that sheltered mindset of “We’ll tell you later,” and “You only need to know that stuff when you’re ready to get married,” is shameful.
At least properly educate your daughters, for goodness sake! We need to know about our bodies. Why some things feel good, what rape is and why it’s horrific. It is naive to think your kids will be in the church forever. Hate to break it to you parents, but even in church guys are going to want to do The Do with your daughter and vice versa. (See my other article The Inevitable Unwanted Sex Proposition.
I’ve come to realize these last six months that this is a real need. So I’m going to be answering all sorts of things on here. It’s important to know these things. I want stable, capable, strong women leading the pack we have. I could share at least a half dozen more stories like these, and maybe I will eventually. But for now, know that this is a labor of love for each and every one of you.
Some of you are too afraid to go to Cosmopolitan for this stuff, and half of that is absolute trash anyways. I’m not going to lie to you about your body. I’m not going to tell you what you can or can’t do with it either. Like my bio says, I’m just going to help you navigate the dating world.
I’m here because I love my generation of women. We live in amazing times. It’s high time the Christian women stood up for what they believe in and want in life. Boldly live your life- because you are allowed to!
The Mild Millennial