Breakups are tough. Every one of the breakups I’ve dealt with has been different. I despise that. I like to know what’s coming so I can prepare and adjust, but I’m never so lucky. Breakups will never be painless and some hurt much more than others. I tend to seclude myself and work on things alone. I’ll talk about it here and there but I’d rather process alone. I don’t like drama and I don’t like too much attention drawn to me when I’m unhappy. I want comfort but I don’t like people knowing I want it. What a Catch 22, right? Below are several steps I’ve used to get through every breakup. Hopefully these can help any of you going through the same.
Experience All the Emotions
You’re allowed to feel every emotion a break up brings- just don’t hurt anyone in the process! Let yourself be angry, let yourself cry, let yourself feel the grief. Grieve the death of that relationship. I tend to seclude myself for quite a while until all the extreme emotions have passed. I don’t like showing the people around me that ugly cry I have, and I don’t want to lash out at them for no reason. Please make no solid decisions about your dating life in this stage.
Watch the Movies
When you just can’t feel anything – I’ve been there too! You need an accelerant. Watch those sad movies. You know the ones. The movies that make you ugly cry and curl into a ball of blankets by a tower of ice cream cartons.
A level headed friend who can speak some truth into your life is invaluable. If you don’t have any of those read this blog. If talking it out is your thing first make sure your friend is ready for the conversation about your relationship. Make sure they aren’t going to use this vulnerable time to use you. Listen and look at your own heart and life during this stage. But remember how vulnerable you feel, make no solid decisions yet either.
Allow Solitude to be Peaceful
You don’t have to be around friends for every stage of this. Company will keep your mind off things but don’t forget to let silence and peace take a seat at the table too. Your mind needs to process things. Your friends opinions aren’t always right. They weren’t in the relationship, you were. Don’t let opinions, or trash talk get in the way of truly becoming at peace with what ended.
Find every symbolic moment in washing away or releasing what ended. Experiment with some new bath bombs and salts, get a massage, visit a salt spa, experience a floating tank, get your nails done -or do them yourself! Cutting your hair is a thing too. If you have a style you love go for it! Let that be a release. Find and and try out something new! Put some extra effort into relaxing and finding your strong spirit.
Be Mindful of Your Body Language!
Sit up straight. Square your shoulders. Uncross your arms. Don’t lean on things. Look ahead of you. Keep your jaw parallel to your shoulders. When our hearts are broken we instinctively protect it in very physical ways. We hunch and lean as if our heart is at half capacity. Sometimes it may feel like that but it’s not. We are much stronger than we think. Our movements matter, our soul feels it!
Find Your Emotional Release
Painting, journaling, exercising. Whatever your emotional release is, take it on with a new passion in this season of healing. Leave every emotion on the canvas, paper, or gym floor. Make your time expressing worth it.
Shake it off. Play your music at whatever volume you require and move as needed. This is one of the ways I know things are turning up for me post breakup. If I can feel complete happiness from a song, enough to dance to it, I know I’m feeling better about things. I’m far from a good dancer, but it gives me a light at the end of the tunnel.
When you find yourself avoiding places that carry distinct memories this can feel isolating. In a small town like mine, it’s easy to run out of favorite places. If the location is worth it, make some new memories there. Don’t let a memory stop you from enjoying places around you.
Find the Beauty in Everything
Noticing the little things is one of the secrets to happiness. Rediscover the happiness around you and love it. Appreciate the beauty in a pot boiling, a wild flower, people watching, etc.
Every Break Up Has it’s Lesson(s)
You may not see the silver lining yet but you can almost immediately find the lesson. If you look for the education you received from the situation you’ll surely find it. Each of mine has taught me something I’ve never forgotten. Consider it a small victory to have gained a lesson while such pain passes.
Examine What You Have Neglected In Yourself
Being in a relationship, we often shift our priorities around. Something always ends up going by the wayside. Buck up, Buttercup! It’s time to get back at it and SMASH the new priorities. It’s a liberating feeling getting back in control. Go after it, baby.
When moving on takes time there’s no better way to shift focus like falling into a wave of volunteerism. Find a service club in your area that has a cause you believe in and hit up a meeting. Helping someone else is a great way to remind you how big the world really is, and how unkind it can be. There are never too many volunteers in the world.
Find positive music. What you listen to does matter. Make sure you feed your mind and soul with the right energy and ideas. Playlists on Spotify and YouTube can help.
One of the biggest paybacks in a breakup is the comeback. Yes, I said it. If you’re going to go through something as painful as a heartbreak, you owe it to yourself to come out shining like a diamond on the other side. This is the time to expand your knowledge, experience and talent in a specific area of your life. Not to become someone new but to continue moving forward when your love life isn’t. Get back in the slay game, babe.
Check Your Health
If your breakup affects your health seek out the most natural remedies for stress, anxiety, and sleep issues. There are herbs, flowers, foods, teas, and aromas even plants to help with whatever you may be fighting. If you think things run a little deeper seek out a doctor.
Most of all forgive. Forgive yourself and the ex. You can take all these steps to release stress and emotion but none of that will do the job like forgiveness will. Much like worry, holding a grudge means you suffer twice. Unforgiveness is a poison that eats away at you and eventually manifests in other areas of your life. Don’t subject yourself to that. You have so much going for you!
Hopefully these help! If you have any additional tips and tricks let me know in the comments. I love to hear from readers.
The Mild Millennial