Gentlemen, I’m talking directly to you here. I think you know this deep down, but I might as well put this into words and voice the truth you already know. Sometimes the justification can do wonders for the mind and outlook on things.
Like men, women have a range of tastes in physical appearance. I know that’s already news to some of you. Some women go for the whip thin, some go for a little extra build, some like athletic, some like bodybuilders. And pssst guess what? We objectify men the same way men do us, we just don’t always say it outloud 😉 In the fashion men like certain body parts on a woman, women like certain ones on men. We notice a good butt, a pair of knock-you-over eyes, a dazzling smile, a warm laugh, broad shoulders, strong arms or a jawline that could cut glass.
Universally, we don’t come after you because you have a sharp jawline and rippling muscles. (let me amend that, WOMEN do not chase a man for his physical appearance.) Not all men look like a movie star/ have the superhero body- just like not all women look like supermodels.
Men! You’re human! You have skin problems, you’re pale, you’re darker skinned, you can’t grow a beard to save your life, some of you have great facial hair, some of you go bald at a young age. You’re short, tall, squat, stocky, heavy, thin, active, bulky, average. You might be in a wheelchair, you might run marathons for fun (freak…jk) You played football in college or you were in the math league. The point is you’re all different and and always will be. Just because you aren’t the image of what society says is the average man does not make you subaverage. It makes you different. God loves variety. (duh)
Women do too. For example: Chris Evans and James Corden are nothing alike, but I crush on them equally for different reasons. Honestly, if they both offered to take me on a date I’d have real trouble deciding between the two…
Seriously, I think I’d split my night between the two of them or something because I really can’t decide.
Throughout history the “beauty” standard for men fluctuated just like it did for women.
In early America there was a saying about women finding calves attractive. Why? Thin calves meant wealth and no back-breaking work every day, thus he could provide for a family. Thick calves meant he was a laborer who had to work hard for his living, thus not wealthy (yet). I’m not kidding. In that same way, the Dad-bod is in style these days. Why? Because a man who is a good dad/ looks like he’s already got his life together being a dad- is HOT. Dependability and security is what women like to see.
Men should celebrate their own differences just like women need to. None of us are measured by the image of perfection outside of our own mind.
If you are measured by that so what? Conforming to an image society likes is heartbreaking- MAN OR WOMAN. Be YOU. The nerdy, pianist who can solve rubix cubes in 5 minutes or less. The athletic crew cut who secretly likes sunflowers and reading about quantum physics before bed. The mind of an engineer who loves Jane The Virgin and New Girl on Netflix. The guy who likes wine more than beer. IT’S OK. Be you. Breaking the norm is liberating. Originality is what God wants from us because He made us just that, original.
A woman (notice I’m not saying girls here) likes the substance of a man. A woman notices:
Strength in spirit,
…and so much more!
We don’t care about how Spartan you are. We want to know that you are capable of taking care of yourself- we don’t want to be your mother! We’ll watch how you treat the waiter when he gets your order wrong, and how you face changes in routine, not how much you can bench press- although if that’s your thing, we’ll be your best cheerleader.
In the end, the things I just listed are what last. Neither of us is going to look the same after decades of marriage, a few kids, money stress, a few job changes and a whole lifetime of experiences. Life is so much more than appearance.
The measure of a man is in his conduct.
The Mild Millennial